Coronavirus Special

José A. Ruiz 08/03/2020 254
The changes in our life, the reactions of governments and the craziest conspiracy theories
Jose: Welcome to Layetania Today, your Layetan and Tabarnese news broadcast. Today we have a special monograph on the phenomenon that has altered all the agendas: COVID-19 or coronavirus. To inform you rigorously, I give way to my colleagues Aina Bellpuig and Aitor Setiraembarrena.
Aitor: Fernando Simón, director of Health Emergencies and the biggest influencer in Spain, has compared Covid-19 with the common flu, stating that it looks like it in some aspects, such as that the virus is transmitted as a flu, has the same symptoms of the flu and the same mortality rate of the flu. But don't be fooled, since it's not the flu. "Because a colleague has told me that something happens because there's people dying that never died before".
Aina: The King of Spain Felipe VI has decided to take his daughters to school on Monday even though there has already been a case of coronavirus infection in the center. Although the doctors of the Zarzuela have advised against this decision, his majesty has insisted: 'on Corona issues I have the last word'.
Aitor: The president of the Union of Pensioners and Senior Citizens of Spain, Paca Tricio, has asked not to put so much emphasis on the age of those infected or repeat so much that they are 'older people', because this stigmatizes the elderly and nobody wants to sit next to them on a bus. That instead we could say 'people of distant youth' or of 'strong maturity'. For his part, the spokesman of the Union of Deceased of Catalonia, Joakin Dead, asks that the deceased shouldn't be called 'deceased' either, since people also don't sit next to them on the bus, and that instead they can be called 'people not alive', 'of absent heartbeat' or 'of prolonged nap'.
Aina: The 'Elder Brother' of the Sevilan Brotherhood of Our Lord Jesus of Perpetual Martyrdom, has insisted that he won't suspend the feet kissing of Holy Week, that the figure of Christ is immaculate and doesn't transmit any evil and that he'll be the first to kiss his feet. Some parishioners have shouted at that moment 'The first one no, kiss them the last one!' The priest has suspended the appearance while responding to the congregates, 'You bunch of ******** ..' .
Aitor: And let's go now with the measures that the different governments have taken.
The Chinese government has closed the Wu-Han factory that fabricated nationalist stelae flags and will now manufacture masks for COVID-19 since the fabric is the same. These new masks will be available in yellow, red and blue, as the fiber color cannot be eliminated. According to the factory manager, Mr. DonKlin-Uitshan-Poo, these new masks are 100% effective against the coronavirus ..."although they don't protect against yellow fever".
Aina: The Italian government has suspended Milan fashion week and stopped Modena vinegar exports.
Aitor: The president of France, Emmanuel Macron has raised the level of health alert and has banned the entry of ANC buses to Perpignan.
Aina: The government of Spain has decided to go ahead with Holy Week, the Fallas, the communions and the demonstrations of women's day, that we're Spanish after all. Of course, if someone wants to work from home, he can.
Aitor: The Minister of Technology and Information, Pedro Duque, has warned Spaniards to try by all means not to take Covid-19, since it would be silly because 20 is about to leave.
Jose: Attention, colleagues, we have information about some effects that the coronavirus crisis is having in Catalonia.
The acting president of the Generalitat of Catalonia, Quim Torra, has criticized the few measures taken by the government of Spain, stating that mass concentrations should be banned. Torra has made these statements when returning from the pilgrimage of Perpignán where he has brought together one hundred thousand independentistas in a field. No assistant shows signs of infection since the nationalist race is immune to all viruses, and Puigdemont has also protected its faithful by imposing hands. Following the appearance, Torra says that the Catalan government is taking effective measures against Covid-19, as there are already two Catalan teams investigating the means of transmission of the virus and at most in ten or fifteen days they will be able to blame from everything to Madrid.
Last Wednesday, one of the hooded men who cut the Meridiana street sneezed while hitting a biker. Following the incident (and I mean sneezing) the independence fighters have gone to their homes leaving a poster informing the drivers to stop their vehicles, shout and blow the horn when they reach that point. The mayor of Barcelona, ​​Ada Colau, will also send the urban guard to ensure that the instructions of the CDRs are followed, because according to her, the prevention measures are not at odds with freedom of expression.
I have to report an incident that has taken place at the home of designer Javier Mariscal. Three citizens of Chinese origin have spent a whole afternoon spitting at the door of his house until the designer has had to go out and tell them that he's not the creator of Covid-19, but of Cobi, that of 92.
Aina: Come on now with the craziest conspiracy theories:
Critical activists against the Xi Jinping regime claim that the coronavirus is an experiment of the Chinese government to reduce excess population.
Aitor: Donald Trump advisors say that the virus was developed by Greta Thumberg so that people stop traveling and drastically reduce global pollution, as seen in Beijing.
Aina: Another theory states that Covid-19 is a pathogen sent by Donald Trump to prove to Greta Thumberg that climate change is nonsense and that pollution can be reversed in a week with a badly cured cold.
Aitor: After an internal survey, the ANC says that the coronavirus was carried to China by a Madrilenian who ate a cooked dish in bad condition.
Aina: And finally a Wall Street broker has confessed that nothing is really happening, that all cases of coronavirus are really the usual flu that comes a little stronger and that they have put up this whole show to speculate on Wall Street.
Jose: And that's it for now. See you in a new edition of Layetania Today. And don't forget that you can keep yourself informed on the web