Jose: Welcome to Layetania Today, the Tabarnese and Layetan news broadcast. I let you with my companions Aina Bellpuig and Aitor Setiraembarrena.
Aitor: Today we open our news with the new Ovnium Cultural campaign in which they have filled all Catalonia with posters calling for the freedom of imprisoned politicians. In these posters it says "AMNESTY: Sign the manifesto", and below they claim that they are 80%.
Aina: Since there's no objective data to prove that 80%, some Internet users have developed their own variants of the posters, based on figures that can be verified.
For example, in one of them, they affirm: “We are 47%, in reference to the maximum percentage of votes” that secessionism has achieved in Catalonia.
In another the amount is reduced to 3%, since Ovnium has been investigated by the Civil Guard for receiving funding from the convergent plot.
Aitor: Well, maybe you haven't seen the posters, but you probably paid them.
Aina: Changing the subject, Pedro Sanchez celebrates his second month in office - giving gifts to the forces that have supported him.
Aitor: Pablo Iglesias has been given control of the CNI, something that made him very excited. So from now on it you are going to criticize him on the phone and hear a strange noise on the line, you can say 'Hi, Pablo!' , who will be listening to you.
Aina: The PNV has been given social security for Euskadi. So you know, from now on the Spaniards are no longer all the same. Yes, that's nothing left, but Urkullu it's so excited… ..!
Aitor: Esquerra Republicana has been given the light sedition offense with retroactive application. Well, don't get me wrong. Taking a coup d'etat will continue to be a crime, but the sentences for breaking democracy or eating Carrefour donuts 🤔 before going through the box will be .. similar ...
Aina: And still with Esquerra, ERC Youth spokesman Pau Morales blames Ciudadanos of youth suicide in Catalonia. No. Really. According to Morales, Ibex companies 'inflated by Ciudadanos' are causing youth suicide in Catalonia.
Aitor: In the same row, Morales has accused them also of the January slope, of postpartum depression - and that he remains single.
Aina: Surely that's the cause.
Aitor: With no doubt ..
Jose: Attention, partners! We have breaking news. I'm being told that the head of the Presidency of the Catalan Parliament has just apologized to the Catalans for serving oil from Madrid in the parliament restaurant.
Aina: Has that really happened?
Aitor: I can't believe it!
Jose: Well, it's true. An advisor of Les Garrigues has denounced the use of Getafe oil. "As you'll understand, something like this can't be tolerated". Some parliamentarians have already suffered side effects. For example, counselor Meritxell Budó has craved a squid sandwich. Something unprecedented! To reassure those affected, the parliament has issued a statement committing to use only Catalan products, even if that means giving up Teruel ham. The counselor of les Garrigues has affirmed that there's no need of going that far with the boycott, and that Teruel is close to them after all and, in addition, they supported Pedro Sánchez. Pedro And Pedro is a friend.
Aina: Continuing with the political agenda, PDECAT faces its biggest challenge to date: The disqualification of Artur Mas due to the illegal 9N consultation has ended this week, so Mas threatens to come back.
Aitor: No jokes here! Artur Más is known in Europe as 'Minus 12' for having lost 12 seats every time he presented himself por president.
Aina: His political record includes: Splitting Catalan society, terminating his own party and making the biggest social fund cuts in Catalonia, which have not yet been reversed. But the worst of all is .. that he's the best they have.
Aitor: 🤔What was that?
Aina: You're not going to always do the jokes!
Aitor: Now you are copying me ?.
Aina: Who am I copying? Do we call Matías Prats?
Aitor: No, leave it .. It doesn't bother me.
Aina: Well then. And we finish with the cultural agenda. This weekend Carnival 2020 was celebrated in Barcelona, starring the figure of the Carnestoltes. The mayor of Barcelona, Ada Colau, has ceded for two days the city government to this quirky character, who likes to do what he wants without consulting anyone, laughing at law and spreading chaos and confusion.
Aitor: And in Barcelona nobody has noticed the difference.
(Weird noise in the audio connection)
All: Hi, Pablo ..!
Jose: And that's it for now. See you in a new edition of Layetania Today. And don't forget that you can keep yourself informed on the web ondalayetana.es